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JokeClicks

A man's translations

|These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say..."IT'S A GUY THING"Translated:* "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.""CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"Translated:* "Why isn't it already on the table?""UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response."IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"Translated:* "I have no idea how it works.""TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."Translated:* "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.""THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."Translated:* "Are you still talking?""YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."Translated:* "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every carI've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday.""OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."Translated:* "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt.""HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."Translated:* "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.""I CAN'T FIND IT."Translated:* "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.""WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"Translated:* "What did you catch me at?""I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."Translated:* "No one will ever see us alive again.""WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."Translated:* "I make the messes; she cleans them up."

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Joke of the Day

Bad news

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send youoff to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this.It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man'sschlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwatrz is dead!"

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