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JokeClicks

Accordion jokes

|An accordion is a bagpipe with pleats.Q: What is the definition of an optimist?A: An accordion player with a pager.Q: What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.Q: What do accordion players use as a contraceptive?A: Their personalities. Q: What's the range of an accordion?A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm! Q: What's a gentleman?A: Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't. Q: What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion. Q: What's the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist?A: Terrorists have sympathisers.Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch?A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides. Q: What's the difference between an accordion and a concertina?A: The accordion takes longer to burn. Q: How do you protect a valuable instrument?A: Hide it in an accordion case. Q: What's an accordion good for?A: Learning how to fold a map. Q: What's the difference between a chainsaw and an accordion?A: A chainsaw can be tuned. Q: Why is it good that accordionists have a half-ounce more brains than horses?A: So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.

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Joke of the Day

Bad news

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send youoff to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this.It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man'sschlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwatrz is dead!"

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