Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave.

|Here are some basic descriptions of what may happen if airplanes had different operating systems running them.DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till it skids, t

|"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London.

|According to "The Australian," an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight.The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign.The vibration stopped i

|Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 on their way to visit the Communists to share their success stories about taxing Americans.Bill: "Why don'

|The most dangerous organization in America today is:a) The KKKb) The American Nazi Partyc) The Delta Frequent Flyer Club

|One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane

|I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747.I said "Hi Jack."He shot me.

|A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense.

|Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years.Bob had always want to go flying.

|A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.The en

|Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear.

|A blonde went to a flight school insisting that she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.

|As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying

|A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting.

|All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor.

|A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy.

|At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35.

|An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess.

|Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

|It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home.

|As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum.

|A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland.

|Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions.

|Acronyms for International AirlinesItalyALITALIA = Always Late In The Air, Late In ArrivalALITALIA = Arrived Late In Turin, And Luggage In Australia---------------------------------------------------

|On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him.

|1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.2.

|1. BadAir: When you just can't wait for the world to come to you.2. BadAir: We're Amtrak with wings. 3. Join our frequent near-miss program. 4. On flights, every section is a smoking section. 5.

|Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer.

|It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes.