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JokeClicks

Aviation Jokes

Blind Pilots

Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave.

There is a blond on the plane

|A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense.

Story of my friend

|I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747.I said "Hi Jack."He shot me.

Air Force One crashes

|Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear.

Dream flying planes

|Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years.Bob had always want to go flying.

An engineer and a programmer

|A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.The en

Those raccoons are not luggage

|As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying

The blind skydiver

|A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting.

Blonde goes flying

|A blonde went to a flight school insisting that she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.

What just happened here?

|A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy.

Boarding from what gate?

|At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35.

A Skydiving lesson

|All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor.

What was the problem before?

|Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

The Christmas airport

|It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home.

Training the blonde

|An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess.

There was a place crash in Poland

|A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland.

The plane is crashing into the ocean

|Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions.

Teaching the child

|As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum.

There's a parrot on the plane

|On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him.

Top Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System

|1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.2.

International airline

|Acronyms for International AirlinesItalyALITALIA = Always Late In The Air, Late In ArrivalALITALIA = Arrived Late In Turin, And Luggage In Australia---------------------------------------------------

The Top Twenty Flight Advertising Slogans

|1. BadAir: When you just can't wait for the world to come to you.2. BadAir: We're Amtrak with wings. 3. Join our frequent near-miss program. 4. On flights, every section is a smoking section. 5.

The loss of engines

|Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer.

Results of damage testing

|It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes.

Half off these tickets

|USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips.

Trouble with plane engines

|While cruising at 36,000 feet, the airplane shuddered, and a passenger looked out the window."Oh no!" he screamed, "One of the engines just blew up!" Other passengers left their seats and came runnin

A plane flying in the 1930s

|In the early 1930's, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost."$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot.

There are lawyers on the flight

|An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.A few minutes later, the pilot asked t

The world's smartest man?

|A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and an

Flying without a parachute

|A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he's falling, he realizes hiss chute is broken.

Joke of the Day

The following are acual stories provided by...

The following are acual stories provided by travel agents:

  • I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair
    wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
  • A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going
    over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
  • I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started
    to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when
    she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but
    Cape Town is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like
    the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape cod is in Massachusetts,
    Cape Town is in Africa." Her response ... click.
  • A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what
    was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an
    ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since
    Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me.
    I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
  • I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England
    from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the
    map."
  • Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When
    I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in
    Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I
    heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the
    gates to save time."
  • A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible
    that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at
    8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of
    Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones.
    Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
  • A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical
    description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" I
    said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in
    with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm
    overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a
    minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back
    and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline
    was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
  • I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which
    plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he
    replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn
    planes have numbers on them."
  • "A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of
    those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a
    commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
  • A businessman called and had a question about the documents he
    needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about
    passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been
    to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double-
    checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him
    this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time
    they have accepted my American Express."
  • A woman called to make reservations "I want to go from Chicago to
    Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally,
    the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what
    flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the
    agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport
    code in the country and I can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The
    customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is.
    Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and
    finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew
    it was a big animal!"
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