Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??He thought it was a delivery service.

What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?They both live off dead Beatles.

I recently had surgery on my hand, and asked the doctor if,after surgery, I would be able to play the banjo. He said, "I'm doing surgery on your hand, not giving you a lobotomy."

David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like toshow him a trick.

What can Calista Flockhart do with dental floss? Hang herself.

What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?Hugh Grant.

Q: What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson'sdreams every night??A: Hansons.

Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. Peter asks: "Oh dear, what happened to you?" Di answers: "I died in a car crash, but wait till you see my friend, he looks much worse".

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new car? Neither has he.

Little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?"After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, honey, God isboth male and female."This confuses Little Johnny, so he ask

The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiouslyawaiting news of their mother. Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom.

Did you know that Mike Tyson has an upcoming bout with Prince Charles? It seems that no-one else has big enough ears to go 12 rounds.

Heard about Salman Rushdie's sequels to "Satanic Verses"? 1) Buddha, you Fat Fucking Bastard, 2) Jesus was a Lousy Carpenter.

What do Viagra And DisneyLand have in common?They both cause you to stand around for an hourwaiting for a two minute ride!!

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.Mother: "What does the cow say?"Child: "Moooo!"Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"Child: "Meow."Mother: "Oh, you're so smart!

A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it.

Who's got long blonde hair and big tits,and lives in Melbourne, Australia? Salman Rushdie.

What do you call Batman and Robbin run over?Flatman and Ribbon.Sent by Matias

Stick your tongue out.Move it up and down.Relax.Now move it left and right.Well done! You have now completed Christopher Reeves workout video.

Homer: Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps.Bart: Don't worry, I don't even like using the bathroom after you.Homer: Why you little -- !

More Jesse news... Public Statement by the Rev.

If Britney Spears and Fat Bastard mated, the resulting child would be:Anna Nicole Smith.Sent by Marisa

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.She called on him and said, "Johnny!

Q: What did O.J. say to Goldman when he found him with his ex-wife?A: Hey pal, mind if I cut in?

IMPORTANT NEWS TO ALL GUYS THAT GO OUT TO CLUBS OR BARS Men, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from girl. Good girls out there, please forward this message to your guy friends.

What trivial fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?He was allergic to carrots.

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater.

Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book? A: It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing

Here's a gross one:What's the similarity between Michael Jackson and McDonalds?They both stick their beef between 9 year old buns.

Just before takeoff one day, a flight attendant approached Muhammad Ali and asked that he fasten his seat belt. "Superman don't need no seat belt," Ali growled.