One day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to goout to do some errands. So the proud papa stayed home to watch hiswonderful new son.

|What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses?If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!

John: "I'm glad you named me John."Mother: "Why?"John: "Because that's what all the kids at school callme."

Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noisescoming from his parents' bedroom. He got out of bed and walkeddown the hall towards his parents room.

|What is red and dangerous?Strawberry and tarantula jelly!

Little Johnny was sitting on the bench in the park.Suzie comes along chomping on her bubblegum.

Tommy, Johnny and Harry were standing around bullshitting about how tough their fathers were. "My dad went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson. Lick that!" said young Harry.

|What did the maggot say to his friend when he got stuck in an apple?Worm your way out of that one!

|Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?A frog with hiccups!

Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she spotted two spidersmating.

Two brothers, ages 6 and 8, decide they are old enough to start cursing. Sothey plan to use dirty words the next morning at breakfast.

|What is a chameleon's motto?A change is as good as a rest!

It's the first day of school and the teacher told her kindergarten class,"If anyone has to go to the bathroom, you should hold up two fingers."After a moment of quiet thought, Little Johnny asked: "Ho

PUPPY LOVE A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening.

|hat do you call a frog spy?A croak and dagger agent!

One of my first evenings back from overseas, my girl's understanding parents left us alone in the living room. Naturally, we did not talk all the time.

What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
...

Mouse code!

What do you get if you cross a cow with a camel?
Lumpy milkshakes!

What is the definition of a goose?
An animal that grows down as it grows up!

Why did Bo Peep lose her sheep?

|Whats a frogs favorite game?It's croak-et!

|How do fireflies start a race?Ready steady glow!

What's an insects best chat up line?

Pardon me, but is this stool taken!

|: How do you hire a teddy bear?A: Put him on stilts!Q: What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle?A: A polo bear!Q: Why do polo bears like bald men?A: Because they have a great, whit

|Why did the mosquito go to the dentist?To improve his bite!

|Q: What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck?A: A duck filled fatty puss!Q: What kind of cat should you take into the desert?A: A first aid kitty!Q: Why do cats chase birds?A: For a lar

|What's gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?Stalagmice!

|What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?Time to fix the fence!What's grey, stands in a river when it rains and doesn't get wet?An elephant with an umbrella!What' s grey with red spots?An e

A teacher said to her little student Suzy, "Punctuate the following sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry worry."Little Suzy thought for a moment and began her reply, "Let's see.

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins,to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed.Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentlessworld-class practical

|Why are spiders good swimmers?They have webbed feet!

"Why do you look so glum today?", the teacher asked young Johnny. "I didn't have no breakfast," Johnny mumbled. "You poor dear," said the teacher.