A husband and wife stepped up to view the body of his mother-in-law. As he began to cry, his wife punched him and said: Why are you crying, you never liked my mother anyway.

Why isn't Mexico in the olympics?
Because everyone that can swim, jump, climb, and sprint are already over the Border..

Q: What do Mohammed and Douglas Adams have in common?A: A deep, abiding respect for the value of a towel on the head.

whats the differance between a camera and a sock???A camera takes photos and a sock takes 5 toes...

A German, an American, and a Mexican are traveling in the Amazon, and they get captured.The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"The German responds,

An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work.His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery.

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says, "We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can ma

A Chinese man walks into a bar in America late one night and he seesSteven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

How many Irishmen does it take to replace a light bulb?30, 2 to hold the light bulb and 28 to drink till the room starts spinning.

You're so dumb, you stare at an orange juice can just because it says concentrate.

A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.

Why did the runner quit the race against bigfoot?He couldn't face defeet!!

1. You know you have if you... notice your tie sticking out of your fly. 2. Someone uses your tongue for a coaster. 3. You start kissing the portraits on the wall. 4.

A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops in a bar for a beer.

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital.

10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6 am.9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.7.

Can you cry under water?How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?Since bre

1. Your salary is less than your tuition.2. Your potted plants stay alive.3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.5.

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.And Satan created McDonald's, and

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.

Why is math always sad?Because it has too many problems.

1. Juan Valdez names his mule after you.2. You chew on your roommate's fingernails. 3. You can jump-start your car without cables. 4.

So there is a cow and a chicken. And the cow goes... Baak!Baak! LOL (why would a cow go baak!?!) LOLAnd... LOL...the chicken goes ...LOL...Moo!LOL(why would a chicken say moo!?!) ....

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." Drum on every available surface. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

10. It doesn't snow in Hell.9. Everyone has heard of Hell.8. It's more fun getting into Hell.7. You can't fail out of Hell.6. At least you can sleep in Hell.5.

1. Enter the stall, shower for about 3 minutes, then scream really loudly, exclaiming, "I didn't know I had one of THOSE!"2. Enter the stall, fully clothed.

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.3.

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world.