|10. New seats would require everyone to have the same body size.9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.8. The U.S. government would get subsidies from an automaker--a first.7.

Finally, a worthy pyramid scheme!

You know how they use to give immigrants a test when they came to America? Well the last question on the test was to use pink, green and yellow in a sentence.

|In a recent contest in The Washington Post, readers were asked to take an expression using a number, add or subtract one, and create a new definition: The Year 2001 Problem: How to find jobs for all

| Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed.

The Technologically Challenged Just in case you think YOU are TC (technologically challenged), there'sstill hope:1.

|You've been in graphics too long if...by Chris ThornborrowMost of your friends can pronounce Gouraud first time.

|ADA: A Dumb ArrangementADA: A Dumb AcronymADA: A Dumb AnnoyanceBASIC: Boring And Shamelessly Idiotic CodersBASIC: Badly Assembled, Severely Illogical CodeBASIC: Beginner's Algorithms for Seemingly In

The PC Manifesto V3.0 Featuring a PC Primer and Revised PC Lexicon by Saul Jerushalmy & Ren

|They would immediately change the name to WatMas.

THE LIFE OF A COMPUTER ANALYST (Long but VERY Funny!) Monday ------ 8:05am User called to say they forgot password. Told them to use password retrieval utility called FDISK.

|You kiss your girlfriend's home page.A VRML virtual walk through a park is your idea of a good date.Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.Your eyeglasses have a web site burned

If Wang made toasters...Marketing would never agree upon what customers really wantor need in a toaster so millions of dollars would be spentin development and the toaster would be several years late.

|Costello calls Abbott with some questions about UNIX.Costello: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program?Abbott: Yes, that's correct.Costello: No, what is it?Abbott: Yes.Co

|Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:

BIT - A word used to describe computers, as in "Our daughter's computer cost quite a bit."BOOT - What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging about your computer skill.

|I work as a systems administrator, and part of m job involves answering questions about computers. I generally like my job, but sometimes it gets on my nerves.

|"Can you help me? asked Alice."No," said Negative. "I'm looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the direction she had been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked. "No," said Negative.

Girlfriend Tech Support E-mail I am currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've beenhaving some problems lately.

|Top Ten Signs You Bought A Bad ComputerLower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it. It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.

|They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where kids queue up for their present-processing. Receiving presents would take about 24-36 hours of mainframe processing time.

Befuddled PC Users Flood Help Lines, and no Question Seems to be Too Basic From the Wall Street Journal, Tuesday, March 1, 1994.

|AAC Alter All CommandsAAD Alter All DataAAO Add And OverflowAAR Alter At RandomAB Add BackwardsABC AlphaBetize CodeABR Add Beyond RangeACC Advance CPU ClockACDC Allow Controller to Delete ContentsACD

Are computers males or females? You decide. TOP 5 REASONS WHY COMPUTERS MUST BE MALE: 5. They're heavily dependent on external tools and equipment. 4.

|Why are there so many, users of Windows?Don't people have any pride?Windows is useless, and designed by morons,and Windows had got DOS inside.But some don't care and continue to use it.I know they're

A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center andregistered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyedwater sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and wasvery small.

|For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to meSee if they can do it again.For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to meAsk them how they did it andSee if they can do it again.For the

|Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life.

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. Now they're in heaven, and God is sitting on the great golden throne. God addresses Al first.

|An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working.