A woman is laying on a gurney out in the hall prior to going to surgery. As she lays there, a man in white coat comes by, lifts up the sheet, and then leaves. This happens a second time.

|Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!Doctor: Don't worry about it. You'll pass eventually.Liz: I'm the examiner!

A man walks in to a doctors office and says, "Doctor you must help me. I have AIDS." The doctor replies, "Are you gay?" The man answers "yes." The doctor says, "I think I can help.

A profoundly ugly girl went to the psychiatrist."My life is a mess, doctor," she began, "I am sofucking hideous that no one will associate withme, touch me, or even talk to me.

|A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together.

There was a costume party at a mental hospital; the theme of the party was "war".

The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him for an examination. "Mrs. Brown, I have some good news for you." The woman said, "I'm glad to hear that doctor, but I'm Miss Brown, not Mrs." "Oh.

She said, "Kiss me doctor!" Doctor said, "I can't as we doctors have an ethics standard that does not allow us to kiss our patients, in fact, I really shouldn't be fucking you."

|Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?Doctor: Sell!

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress.

A woman came to the psychiatrist worried. "Doctor," she said, "I can't sleep at night.

|Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.Doctor: Oh, really?Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorse the patient.

This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her he says: "I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth." The woman then says with anticipated agony,

|1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort.Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.2.

The following statements were found on patient's charts during a recent review of medical records.

Dentist: "Would you help me out? I'd like you togive a few of your loudest screams." Patient: "Why, Doc?

|A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me.

A man went to the doctor's. The doctor came in and said,"Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. The badnews is that you have an inoperable brain tumor.

John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool.

A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet."I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, andrepeat this procedure for 2 weeks.

|5. You never have to watch reruns on television.4. You are always meeting new people.3. You don't have to remember the whines and complaints of your spouse.2. You can hide your own Easter eggs.1.

A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes.

A midget walks into the doctors and says, "Doc, I've got these fuckingitchy balls and I can't do anything to stop 'em itching".The Doc says, "I can see the problem and I'll fix it for ya"So the Doc pu

|A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?Dentist: Wear a brown tie!

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.

Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade?She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy,a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.

|Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything!Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem?Patient: What problem?

An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassingproblem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, andthey have no odor.

The doctor took Bill into the room and said,"Bill, I have some good news and some bad news." Bill said, "Give me the good news." "They're going to name a disease after you."