|Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!Doctor: I am, bit by bit.

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated."The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table."The construction worker leans over the table, the do

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him."Why do we have to learn this stuff?" the frustrated student blurted o

|A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care.""Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Ada

There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear tothe wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day afterday.

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.

David: My wife beats me, doctor.

Doctor: Oh dear. How often?

David: Every time we play Scrabble!

Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade?She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy,a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.

An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassingproblem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, andthey have no odor.

|A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiat

The doctor took Bill into the room and said,"Bill, I have some good news and some bad news." Bill said, "Give me the good news." "They're going to name a disease after you."

What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? The taste.

A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist ifthere is anybody in room 27. She goes and checks, and comesback to the phone, telling him No, the room is empty. "Good," says the man.

Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted,"I am Napoleon!"Another one said, "How do you know?"The first inmate said, "God told me!"Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not

|Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?Dentist: $100.00.Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.

The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's office. "You know, Doc," he said, "I've made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know.

There are several different kinds of doctors, and it is told that they can be differentiated by the following method:General Practitioners know nothing and do little.Surgeons know little and do everyt

|A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital.

The Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S"What's that?", the patient asks."It's a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis."The patient wants to know if there's a cure, to w

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered...

|Trish: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor.Doctor: You should diet.Trish: Really? What color?

Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor.

Two gynecologists meet at lunch.The first one says, "I had a patient this morning witha clit like a dill pickle. The second one says,"That big or that green?"The first one says,"That Sour."

|The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks

Humor story by Larry GravesWebsite: http://www.gravetimes.com/ MY TWO "DELICATE" OPERATIONSA few years ago, I had two operations in the space of a co

What do you do when an epilectic takes a bath? Throw in your laundry.

A doctor walked into a bank.

Patient: (to cosmetic-surgeon) 'Will it hurt, doctor?Surgeon: 'Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown'.

|Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.Doctor: How do you feel?Patient: A little down in the mouth.

After years with a psychiatrist, a man who thought he was a dog was declared cured. A friend asked him how he felt now. The former patient replied, "Fine! Just feel my nose."