Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

After years of psychotherapy, John no longer believeshe is a grain of wheat.

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one daycomplaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incrediblydumb. She does everything absolutely backwards."said one doctor.

A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, you've got todo something about my husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!" "I wouldn't worry too much about it," the doctor replies."Lots of people

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minoroperation. She's laid on a trolley bed by a lady ina white dress and brought to the corridor.

|Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.Patient: What happened?Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news.

A psychology student at a local university was sent on a fieldassignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital.The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis ballseverywhere.

This guy walks into a psychiatrist's office with a concerned look on his face. "Doc," he says, "I'm worried. It's that dream.

Why did the nurse go to art school?Answer: To learn how to draw blood!

Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. "It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week." "I see.

|Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?Doctor: No need for that.

|Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

|Doctor: Have you ever had this before?Patient: Yes.Doctor: Well, you've got it again!

A woman consulted a doctor, explaining that for many years she sufferred from excessive flatulance, but there was never any sound or smell so she had done nothing about it until now.

"I'm in love with my horse," the nervous man told his psychiatrist. "Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled.

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.Man: "What are you doing here today?"Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood.

A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary problems some of his fellow dentists were facing.

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe stuttering problem.After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient.Doctor: 'It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that

|Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?Nurse: No change yet.

A man's wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed.

A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye.

A man comes into the ER and yells; "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain.

|A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!

|A patient walks into a doctor's office.Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.Doctor: Next!

|Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My son, John, swallowed the can opener!Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright.Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the can of beans?! The toast is getting cold!

A man walks in to a doctors office and says, "Doctor you must help me. I have AIDS." The doctor replies, "Are you gay?" The man answers "yes." The doctor says, "I think I can help.

A profoundly ugly girl went to the psychiatrist."My life is a mess, doctor," she began, "I am sofucking hideous that no one will associate withme, touch me, or even talk to me.

There was a costume party at a mental hospital; the theme of the party was "war".

The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him for an examination. "Mrs. Brown, I have some good news for you." The woman said, "I'm glad to hear that doctor, but I'm Miss Brown, not Mrs." "Oh.