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JokeClicks

Food Jokes

You can now eat your own plate

|Taipei, Taiwan (AP) - Diners tempted to lick a plate after a delicious meal can now go a step further - eat the plate.Chen Liang-erh, 50, an amateur inventor, announced Friday that he had perfected a

The bachelor's diet

|Bachelor's DietMONDAY:BREAKFAST - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday?

Purchasing mailing lists

|With more than twelve billion catalogs being mailed annually, it's little wonder that marketers are distributing mailing lists anywhere possible.

Caffeine addict quiz

|Do you want to know if you suffer from "Alertness Deficit Disorder" (ADD)? Then just take this simple quiz.

Purchasing power of burgers

|Cologne, May 27 dpa - The U.S.

M&M Evolution theory

|M&M's: The Theory of EvolutionWhenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species.To this end, I hold M&M duels.Taking two cand

Ice cream flavor galore

|A January 1994 Reuters News Service story on Manuel Oliveira's ice cream shop in Merida, Venezuela, reported on his 567 flavors, including onion, chili, beer, eggplant, smoked trout, spaghetti parmes

Bad convenience foods

|The Eight Worst Convenience FoodsAnd I thought nothing could top Hormel's pickled eggs ... 8. Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds.

Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books

|Chocolate Chip Cookies:Ingredients:1. 532.35 cm3 gluten2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO33. 4.9 cm3 refined halite4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O116.

Food laughs & humor

|From Harper's Magazine:Amount of pizza eaten each day in U.S. (acres): 75

What is this?

|When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed.

He's a real fun guy [fungi]

|Heard on a radio station.What did the female mushroom say about the male mushroom?"He's a real fun guy [fungi]."

Sorry for eating the peanuts

|A man visits his aunt in the nursing home.

Bottle of Evian water?

|Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water?A: Just spell "Evian" backwards!

Studying the twinkies

|In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, we subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments:ExposureA Twinkie w

Purchasing a turkey

|A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"The stock boy replied, "No

An error publishing an article

|From Reuters News Service:Canada's Ottawa Citizen newspaper recently printed a recipe for Chanterelle Lemon Pasta in its food section, calling for one cup of Chanterelle mushrooms.

Food quotes and quips

|Food quotes, quips, and thoughts . . ."Artichokes ... are just plain annoying ...

Top ten ways to annoy your waiter

|10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip.9. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?"8. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!"7.

Food fight in a store

|In February 1994 in New Brighton, Minn., a 32-year-old man and his 24-year-old girlfriend were arrested after a food fight in a grocery store.

Placing your order

|A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.There was a big sign posted.

A practical joke involving jello

|Here's a delightful treat someone once made for an office Christmas party:A gelatin mold should be made with Knox Unflavored Gelatin and red food coloring.

Are caterpillars good to eat?

|Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat?Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals!Mother: Why did you say that, Junior?

Wise cooking advice

|This weekend, I discovered a cooking tip I haven't seen listed in any cookbooks.While you are preparing the food, and after the guests have arrived, you contrive to fill the house up with smoke, pref

Improving fry cooking time

|In January 1994, 'The Economist' magazine reported that one of Secretary of Energy Hazel O'Leary's success stories about government research scientists hired out for civilian business uses was the Ar

I have a Microsoft waiter

|Patron: Waiter!Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter.

You should learn to be more polite

|One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner.

A great fruit cake recipie

|You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bott

Constantly complaining about the temperature

|A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant.

We could have been here sooner

|An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter.

Joke of the Day

Love Jesus

Love Jesus by Dennis DiPasquale The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must REALLY love the lord because pretty soon, he leaned out his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!!" as loud as he could. It was like a football game with him shouting, "GO JESUS CHRIST,GO!!!" Everyone else started honking, too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all of those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my two kids what that meant. They kind of squirmed, looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign. So, I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. Several cars behind, a very nice black man stepped out of his car and yelled something. I couldn't hear him very well, but it sounded like, "Mother trucker," or "Mother's from there." Maybe he was from Florida, too. He must really love the lord. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed that the light had changed, and stepped on the gas. And a good thing I did, because I was the only driver to get across the intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned way out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign, as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks.

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