A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.

Why do black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Heard at the Wharton School.

Bush has a short one. Gorbachev has a long one. Madonna does not have one. And a priest does not use his. What is it?
A last name

She's like yesterday's coffee -- a little weak in the bean.

Q: You are stuck in an elevator with a tiger, a lion and a lawyer. You have a gun with just two bullets in it. What do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he''s

For all those men who say,

"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

Here's an update for you.....

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.

Why?

You might be a redneck if rather than drinking the sacramental wine at church you bring your own beer!

Bill Gates and General Motors

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman

One day, an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness.

Y'might be a redneck if ya can french kiss yer girlfriend without partin' yer teeth!

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day for St. Peter, so upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says "I'm not very busy today. Why don't you let me show you around?"

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

Q: Why are batteries better than men?
A: Batteries have at least one positive end.

It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly

and

each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.

Inoffensive Nicknames for Breasts

1) Chest Trays

2) NFRU (Not for Recreational Use)

3) Pastor Baiters

4) Mounds of Shame

5) Heavenly Canteens

6) Pearly Weights

7) Hooteronomies

You're so stupid that when police tell you that you broke the speed limit, you offer to fix it.

A little girl goes to see Santa Clause at the local shopping mall. When she arrives and sits down on Santa's lap Santa asks "What do you want for Christmas little girl?".

AFTER EVERY FLIGHT

Blind Bunny, Meet Blind Snake

A Lawyer and A Politician

What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.

You might be a redneck if you keep a can of RAID on your kitchen table!

How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1. Just one, but it really gets screwed.

Yo Mama Road Sign

Yo' mama so dumb, she waited at a STOP sign until it said GO!

Medical Dictionary for Redneck's:

Artery: Study of paintings
Bacteria: Backdoor to cafeteria
Barium: What to do when treatment fails
Bowel: Letter like A E I O or U

What's pink, grey, and can't fit through a doorway?

George W. Bush with a javelin through his head!

Benny got a credit card bill stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and tossed it in the trash.......

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, "....

An airplane was once making a routine flight from Hackensack, New Jersey to New York City.

A little boy wanted to be Bill Clinton for Halloween, but he couldn't get door-to-door with his pants around his ankles.