Subject: The Recession

The recession has hit everybody really hard...

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

It says it's struggling to meet demand for its new 2010 Chevrolet Camaro.

GM said, "We're sorry, but both of you are going to have to wait a little longer."

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.

Top 10 things Not To Say To A Cop when you get pulled over" - Rated
PG

10. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged
in.

This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romanticwalk down the street.

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes
The South has 'mater samiches

The North has coffeehouses
The South has Waffle Houses

The North has dating services
The South has family reunions

I never actually grapsed the whole "Trick or treat" ultimatum.Giving candy to grateful, adorable children or receiving a bag of flaming animal excrement on your doorstep-is this a choice?-Jerry Seinfe

Three ducks, in line, are crossing the road. ?The duck in the back says, ?Quack, quack!?

The duck in the front says, ?Hey, I?m moving as fast as I can!?

Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
A: Only about 2000 people went down on the Titanic.

A preacher was making his rounds to his parishoners on a bicycle,
when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawnmower.

"How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher.

An Honest Lawyer

What do you call an honest lawyer?
An oxymoron.

Jesus Needs A New Robe!
Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when He decided that He really needed a new robe.
After looking around for a while, He saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor.

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in the South. She orders some chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she starts to choke on a chicken bone.

They say if someone truly loves you, they give you wings to fly.
But I think if they really cared, they'd spring for landing gear, too.

A guy walks into a DC curio shop. While browsing he comes across an exquisite brass rat. "What a great gag gift" he thinks to himself.

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

Two guys are susposed to meet at 4:30. Charley shows up at4:30 and waits. Finally, at almost 5:00, Paul shows up andCharley says, "Where have you been?

When i was a kid i used to pray for a new bike. But then I realised that the lord doesn't work that way, so i stole one and asked him to forgive me!

Q: How do you know Bill Clinton is done having sex?

A: You have to wipe the Whitewater off your dress

You know you are an Internet Junkie when...

- When asked for your address, your answer begins with http://
- Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.

F. Lee Bailey Love

What's the difference between F.Lee Bailey and a generalized joke about Lawyers?

One is boorish rude and insensitive, the other is just a joke!!

Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?

Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes
The South has 'mater samiches

The North has coffeehouses
The South has Waffle Houses

The North has dating services
The South has family reunions

So this guy walks into a bar and says, "Gve me two beers."
The bartender obliges him.

The guy looks into his wallet and says, "Give me two more beers."

IMAGINATIONAL ANTHEM

Jimmy came home from school with an F on his geography test.
His mother was reviewing his work, and noticed that he had
gotten one particularly easy question wrong.

I don't think you can spend yourself rich.
- George Humphrey

A lady in her late 40's went to the plastic surgeon for a face lift.

Terrorists hijack a plane full of lawyers.

They ask for a ransom 20 million dollars, and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask fo

|These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say..."IT'S A GUY THING"Translated:* "There is no rational thought pattern connected

He has a one-track mind, and the traffic on it is very light. He paid $500 to have his family tree searched, and found out he was the sap.