Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?
Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.

Dear Friends, I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christm

|On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there.

|T'was the Internet Night Before Christmas'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds?

|'Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.

|? Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help. ? Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow. ? Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. ?

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop, my big brother Tom took me out on the stoop, then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow, and he told me there was something that I had to know.

|Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven.

|To The Tune Of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town Oh you better not shout, you better not cry, You better not pout, I'm tellin' you why, Daddy's home and I think he's drunk.

|Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the substation,Not a deputy stirred,they were all on vacation.

|A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.

Here's a money saving tip for Christmas: Glue Ju Ju Bee on a Brick and mail it out as a fruitcake!-Julie Brown

|Mulder: We're too late.

|On the first day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: A Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

|After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift."How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.

|Believe it or not, the following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help. Thursday night - Potluck supper.

Mail your packages early so that the post office can lose them in time for Christmas!-Johnny Carson

|1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.2.

|On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Windows 95 for my PC On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 2 GPFs, and Windows 95 for my PC On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true

|With the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus's sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve.The inspector arrives and c

|10. You get winded from knocking on the door. 9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you. 8. You ask for high fiber candy only. 7.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day!-Phyllis Diller

|'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the houseI searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.Instructions were studied and we were inspired,In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Require

|What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ?This one will sleigh you ! Why is a reindeer like a gossip ?Because they are both tail bearers !

|On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through r

|The Top 10 Least Popular Halloween HandoutsSpinach flavored Rice Cakes.Teeth removing TaffyMetamucil in a strawEx-Lax BrowniesCaramel Covered ZucchiniColored Crisco on a StickHot steaming bowl of pum

Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Clause. Unfortunately, so did my parents, so I never got anything!-Charlie Viracola

|10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that would've fit.9. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me.8. Perfect for wearing in the basement. 7.

|What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy?She gave him the cold shoulder!What do snowmen wear on their heads?Ice caps!What's an ig?An eskimo's home without a loo!What do snowmen eat f

|If you threw a party, the worst thing you could have done was throw the kind of party where your guests, the next day, call you up to say they had a nice time.