Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?
Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.

|Whereas, on an occasion immediately preceding the Nativity festival,throughout a dwelling unit, quiet descended, in which could be heard no disturbance, not even the sound emitted by a diminutive rod

|8. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"7. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes6. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling.5.

|Jack was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.

|A Thanksgiving Cookbookby Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten ClassNOTE: Mrs.

|Q: What do elves learn in school?A: The Elf-abet!Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?A: "I don't like sprouts" !Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? A: Missletoe!

|Today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps.

|A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold.

|Jones: "The chinese make it an invariable rule to settle all their debts on New Year's Day."Smith: "So I understand, but, then again, the Chinese don't have a Christmas the week before!"

|1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing."2.

|NORTH POLE (API) - MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa's summer estate somewhere in the southern hemi

|T'was the night before finals,And all through the college,The students were prayingFor last minute knowledge.

|The similarities between Santa and System Admins1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny.2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal.3.

|Dear Santa,How are you doing? I hope you've had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It's really neat how you're able to do that year after year.

|NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS YOU WON'TBE ABLE TO KEEP IF YOU'RE A NERD 16. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er...

|'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...How to live in a world that's politically correct?His workers no longer would answer to "Elves","Vertically Challenged" they were calling themse

|1. Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make "housework" easier.

|8. Two feet tall, forty feet wide 7. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?" 6. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers 5.

|Every Christmas morning, when my kids were little, I read them the nativity story out of the big family bible.When my son was old enough to talk, he asked me what a stable was.I thought for a moment

|15. I will not eat other animals' poop. 14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 12.

|December 14, 2003Dearest Dave,I went to the door today, and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. This was a delightful gift!

|The first day after ChristmasMy true love and I had a fightAnd so I chopped the pear tree downAnd burnt it, just for spite Then with a single cartridgeI shot that blasted partridge My true love, my t

|Department Store Santa Peeves8. Kids who refuse to believe that it's fruitcake on your breath and not gin.7. When the last guy to use the beard leaves bits of his lunch in it.6.

|Twas the night before Christmas, Da whole house was mella, Not a creature was stirrin', Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.When up on da roof I heard somethin' pound, I sprung to da window, To scream, "YO

|5. I will not demand to get out the minute after I come in ? and visa versa. 4. I will not scratch wallpaper, curtains, furniture, clothing or my scratch pad.3.

|Dear Santa:I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond earrings, handy slicer-dicers or comfy slippers.

|Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary: 1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produce

|Ten signs you're not getting a christmas bonus10. Co-workers refer to you as "the ghost of unemployment future" 9.

|A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day.

|RESOLUTION #1: 1999: I will read at least 20 good books a year. 2000: I will read at least 10 books a year. 2001: I will read 5 books a year.