What's the definition of lawyer? The larval form of a politician.

|The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold.

No lawyers allowed- Prosecutors will be violated! If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one ofthem, would you read the paper or go to lunch?

|At the United Way in a fairly small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn't made a contribution.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?How many can you afford?

|An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.

For three years, the young attorney had been taking hisbrief vacations at this country inn.

|What are the three questions most commonly asked by lawyers?1. How much money do you have?2. Where can you get more?3. Do you have anything you can sell?

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor.

Why don't you ever see lawyers at the beach?The cats keep covering them up with sand!

|After many years of hard work, Joe rewarded himself with a long, luxurious stay at an exclusive Carribean resort.

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?Professional courtesy.

Middle of the night, middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the center of the road.They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, although neither is hurt.It's impos

|A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat.

The bartender asks him "What'll you have?". The guy answers, "A scotch, please".

|A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day.

What is the worst thing about our justice system? You're leaving your fate in the hands of 12 people whoweren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!

|A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question: "Have you ever been arrested?"He answered no to the question.The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructedthe cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats andget prepared for an emergency landing.A few minutes later, the pilot asked the

|One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?" The student replied, "Here's an orange." The

Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant.

|A judge was annoyed to find that his car wouldn't start. He called a taxi, and soon one arrived at his house.Climbing in, he told the driver to take him to the halls of justice.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?The bucket.

Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear.

|A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection.

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription wo

|An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.

A hill country husband died and left everything to his wife.He put a provision in his will though that she couldn't touchany of it until she turned 14.

|After his graduation from college, the son of a Spanish lawyer was considering his future.

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.