|When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice.When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested

A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldn't make it through the night.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of stayin

Sue reports for jury duty as ordered, and promptly asks to be excused because she believes she's prejudice.

One day, a guy went into a store, just browsing.He suddenly saw a statue of a rat made of bronze, and thought that it was interesting.

|A lawyer named Impos Syble was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it.

An older woman was in the pastoral study counceling for her upcoming fourth wedding.

|An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.A few minutes later, the pilot asked t

On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found himsitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible "What areyou doing?" asked the friend.

|"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles."My dear woman," Darrow replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only o

At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women:Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea."Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?"Defendant: "

|One day while walking down the street a highly successful partner in a law firm was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St.

|Upon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney charged her $100.She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that it was stuck to another $100 bill.On seeing the two bills stuck tog

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?How many can you afford?

A man and his alligator walk into a bar and the man asks, "Does this bar serve lawyers?""Of course we do," replied the bartender."Great," said the man, "I'd like a beer...

Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren'tprepared for the answer:In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called hisfirst witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, e

The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walked into a room to meet with his accountant.The Godfather asked the accountant, "Where's the three million bucks you embezzled from me?"The accountant di

A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule.

"All right," the lawyer says looking through his papers.

A very very rich gentleman dies,leaving his fortune to his only living friends, a Doctor, a CEO, and a Lawyer.

|At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to aneighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer.

|A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend.

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing atthe counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with heartsall over them.

|A prominent lawyer's son dreamed of following in his father's footsteps.

|Lorenzo Dow, an evangelist of the last century, was on a preaching tour when he came to a small town one cold winter's night.He entered the local general store to get some warmth, and saw the town's

At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge.The judge said, "State your name, occupation, and the charge."The defendant said, "I'm Sparks, I'm an electrician, charged with battery."T

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second.

|A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast.

Q: What do u have when their is a lawyer up to his neck in cement?A: not enough cement

|A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs. The statement included this item:"Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side.