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JokeClicks

Military Jokes

A dog for a wife

It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his firstassignment, and it was guard duty.A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk.

Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone...

Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn't havechange for a dollar.

Reward these soldiers for their work

|A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis.Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished

Soldier stands guard

|A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield.

Soldiers in Heaven

|Little Willie asked his mother: "Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to heaven?""Of course they do!" protested his mother.

British Military Officer Fitness Reports

British Military Officer Fitness ReportsThe British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form usedfor Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206.

Flying near Athens

|As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?""Just snow," replied the stewardess.

New chemical warfare

|An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?""Sure.

The Pentagon decided one day that there were to many...

The Pentagon decided one day that there were to many Generals, so they decided to offer early retirement to three of them.

It was the age when knighthood was in flower...

It was the age when knighthood was in flower.A young lady was pounding away at a piece ofiron with a sledgehammer.

Practical joke on his ex-girlfriend

|The soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted

Finish overseas tour

|A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way.

Let's see the world

|Two dogfaces were digging a foxhole. "What made you join the Army?" asked one. "Well, I read one of the posters that said: Join the Army and see the world!

During the Vietnam war...

During the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine why he was falling back during a really fierce battle.

Painting shows it all

|At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture. "What a great realist that painter is!" he exclaimed.

During the World War II...

During the World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable.

A young soldier was making his first parachute jump...

A young soldier was making his first parachute jump.The corporal explained the procedure "You count toten and pull the first ripcord. If the chute doesn'topen, pull the second. That should do it.

Landing at a hidden military base

|You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to se

A young naval student

|A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain. "What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?" "Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.

Impressing the others

|A young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan.He'd been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiques.Sitting there, he saw an enlisted man come int

There is a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands...

There's a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who's driving from McGwire in South Jerz to

Choose a punishment

|Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence."You can take your choice, private - one month's restriction or twenty day's pay," said the officer."All right, sir," said the bright

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers...

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers.

A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier...

A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier went out to the rifle range for the first time. He missed every target and most of the hills behind them.

New weapon Chicken Gun

|Flash - New Weapon in America's Arsenal - Dubbed 'The Chicken Gun'Senate majority leader Howard H.

New submarine Ensign

|The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy.He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Submarine School.

Army fitness report

|British Military Officer Fitness ReportsThe British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206.

A sailor and a marine are taking a piss...

A sailor and a marine are taking a piss at a public restroom. The marine finishes first and washes his hands. The sailor just walks to the exit.

Tribute to the Marines

|A tribute to the United States Marine Corps and the reasons why they are superior to the many organizations of the world . .

Red shirt

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew werein danger of being boarded by a pirate ship.

Joke of the Day

The following are acual stories provided by...

The following are acual stories provided by travel agents:

  • I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair
    wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
  • A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going
    over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
  • I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started
    to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when
    she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but
    Cape Town is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like
    the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape cod is in Massachusetts,
    Cape Town is in Africa." Her response ... click.
  • A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what
    was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an
    ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since
    Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me.
    I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
  • I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England
    from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the
    map."
  • Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When
    I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in
    Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I
    heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the
    gates to save time."
  • A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible
    that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at
    8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of
    Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones.
    Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
  • A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical
    description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" I
    said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in
    with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm
    overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a
    minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back
    and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline
    was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
  • I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which
    plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he
    replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn
    planes have numbers on them."
  • "A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of
    those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a
    commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
  • A businessman called and had a question about the documents he
    needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about
    passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been
    to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double-
    checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him
    this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time
    they have accepted my American Express."
  • A woman called to make reservations "I want to go from Chicago to
    Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally,
    the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what
    flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the
    agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport
    code in the country and I can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The
    customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is.
    Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and
    finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew
    it was a big animal!"
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