try another color:
try another fontsize: 60% 70% 80% 90%
JokeClicks

Miscellaneous

Weight Loss Program

|A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program.

Be Poetic

"When a customer comes into the shop, be very polite to them and try to put a little poetry into it when you're talking to them."The youth says that he does not see what the pharmacist means by this,

I'm Moving Out!

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.He says,"What are you doing?"She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas.

Hooker Progress

Three generations of hookers were sitting around the brothel one dayjust talking about the business.

More Church Bloopers!

Actual bloopers found on church bulletin boards:Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.

The Preist and the Nun

A priest and a Nun were lost in the desert, riding on a camel.

Susie walkin the dog!

A little girl asks her Mom, "May I take the dog for a walk around the block?"Mom says, "No honey, the dog is in heat.""What's that mean?" asked the child."Go ask your Father.

Dead Babies

What is easier to fill a dump truck up with.. dead babies or bowling balls?Dead babies.. because you can use a pitchfork.

Confucious say: Man who go to bed.......

Confucious say:Man who go to bed with itchy ass, wake up with smelly finger.

Viagra again.

Questions to Ponder about ViagraIf a man overdoses on Viagra, how do they get the casket lid shut?If the insurance companies are going to set guidelines before approving Viagra coverage, what are they

Airline Funnies!

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.Here are some real examples that have been heard or reporte

Preschoolers learn meat

A preschool teacher thought it would be interesting for her students to learn to identify different names for the various kinds of meats.

Mom Before Date

Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

The nsync joke

God made oceans, God made lakes, God made NSYNC but hey, we all makemistakes!!!!

But how do I know...

Tech Support: "What does the screen say now."Person: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."Tech Support: "Well?"Person: "How do I know when it's ready?"

Alter Your Course!

This is an actual radio conversation released by the Chief of NavalOperations, 10-10-95, MSG#H0000115020ecb52EMHS #1: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision."#2: "Reco

Ice Hole

There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish icefishing.

Bouncer

Q. How many bouncers does it take to throw someone down the stairs?A. None! He fell.

Missy in heat

Angela went up to her mom and ask if she could take missy for awalk.

To Stop The Polish Cavalry

Q: How do you stop a Polish army on horseback?A: Turn off the carousel.

Choices, Choices

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at a country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter.

How to kill a blonde

Q: How do you kill a dumb blonde?A: Put a scratch n' sniff sticker at the bottom of her pool.

Dickens and the Martini

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”

I'll Come Home When...

A guy was walking around the office Christmas party belting down drink after drink.

Think YOU are having a bad day? . . .

THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY.... check it out these actual cases.Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire.

Top 20 Engineers' Terminology's

1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED- We are still pissing in the wind.2.

Quotes from stupid 03

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

Zactly

Everywhere this lady went, nobody wanted to talk to her, no one ever asked her to go out. Guys came up to her and turned away.

8 boys

A woman had 8 children, all of them boys. So, one day a magazine sent a journalist to her house for an interview. He asked her about the boys and what their names were; she sid 'Kevin'.

Bill Clinton & Hillary

Bill Clinton and Hillary were travelling in a car.They stopped at a filling station. They saw Hillary's young lover there.

Joke of the Day

The following are acual stories provided by...

The following are acual stories provided by travel agents:

  • I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair
    wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
  • A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going
    over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
  • I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started
    to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when
    she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but
    Cape Town is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like
    the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape cod is in Massachusetts,
    Cape Town is in Africa." Her response ... click.
  • A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what
    was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an
    ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since
    Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me.
    I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
  • I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England
    from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the
    map."
  • Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When
    I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in
    Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I
    heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the
    gates to save time."
  • A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible
    that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at
    8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of
    Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones.
    Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
  • A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical
    description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" I
    said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in
    with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm
    overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a
    minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back
    and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline
    was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
  • I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which
    plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he
    replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn
    planes have numbers on them."
  • "A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of
    those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a
    commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
  • A businessman called and had a question about the documents he
    needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about
    passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been
    to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double-
    checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him
    this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time
    they have accepted my American Express."
  • A woman called to make reservations "I want to go from Chicago to
    Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally,
    the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what
    flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the
    agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport
    code in the country and I can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The
    customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is.
    Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and
    finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew
    it was a big animal!"
0
 
 
Syndicate content