try another color:
try another fontsize: 60% 70% 80% 90%
JokeClicks

Music Jokes

Where are we?

|Fritz Kriesler and Rachmaninov had a recital in Carnegie Hall once.

Cello jokes

|Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside.Q: Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?A: So you don't have to retrain the cellists

Bach in a Minuet

|A note left for a pianist from his wifeGone Chopin, (have Liszt), Bach in a Minuet

Vocal jokes

|Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door?A: He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and an All-Pro offensive linema

What's that sound?

|A tourist is sightseeing in a European city.

Clarinet jokes

|Q: What's the definition of a nerd?A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?A: So they can park in the handicap zones.Q: What do you c

Piccolo joke

|Q: How do you get 2 piccolos to play a perfect unison?A: Shoot one.

This must be heaven

|So this trumpet player dies. When he reaches is everlasting reward, the guy in the robe says, "You're going to spend eternity with this combo, okay?

The amazing conductor

|When a young hotshot conductor was making his debut at the Met, he showed the jaded and skeptical orchestra how well he knew the music by singing all parts of the Lucia sextet during rehearsal.Afterw

Arriving in Heaven

|Arriving in HeavenThree men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.St. Peter: Hi, what's your name?Paul: My name is Paul.St. Peter: Hi, Paul.

Drum joke Q & A

|Q: Why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses?A: So they don't disgrace themselves at the parade.Q: How do you know if there is a percussionist at the door?A: The knocking gets slower.

That was no piccolo

|Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?" The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife."

Arriving at Heaven

|A soprano died and went to Heaven. St.

Phone songs

|All of the following songs may be played on a touch-tone phone.

Which drummer?

|There's a five pound note on the floor. Of a thrash guitarist, a drummer who keeps good time, and a drummer who keeps bad time, who picks it up?The drummer who keeps bad time.

Saxophone jokes

|Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?A: It's all in the grip.Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neig

Operas that never made it

|Britten: A Midsummer Nightmare.Mozart: The Magic Tuba.Puccini: La Bamba.Rossini: The Plumber of Seville.Verdi: Rigatoni.

What is your IQ?

|Bob is throwing a party. He decides that, to break the ice at his party, he'll ask his guests what their I.Q.

Trombone jokes

|Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes.Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone?A: Take your hand out of the

Orchestra jokes

|Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!Q: What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks?A: Stick them up fr

Looking to buy

|A man walks into a shop. "You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremolo?""You're a drummer, aren't you?""Yeah.

Trumpet jokes

|Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?A: Fifty.

George Bernard Shaw

|While at a concert being performed by a very bad orchestra, George Bernard Shaw was asked what he'd like them to play next. "Dominoes," he replied.

English horn jokes

|Q: What is the difference between hearing an English horn solo and being tortured?A: One is far more painful to your ears.Q: What's the name of a good English horn player?A: I'll tell you when I meet

Tuba jokes

|Q: What is the range of a tuba?A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm.Q: What's a tuba for?A: 1 1/2 X 3 1/2.Q: There are two tubaplayers sitting in a car.

Playing music

|Last summer, the local orchestra decided to play Beethoven's 9th symphony.However, it being quite hot, the players were working up quite a sweat, until a neighbor let them use the ventilators in her

Flute jokes

|Q: What's the definition of a minor second?A: Two flutes playing a unison.Flute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune.

Viola jokes

|Q: What is a chord?A: Three violists playing in unison.Q: What is the best recording of the Walton viola concerto?A: Music Minus One.Q: What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline?A: You

Efficiency

From: Efficiency & Ticket, Ltd., Management Consultants
To: Chairman, The London Symphony Orchestra
Re: Schubert's Symphony No. 8 in B minor.

French horn jokes

|Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post?A: A goal post that can't march.Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?A: Just one, but he'll spen

Joke of the Day

The following are acual stories provided by...

The following are acual stories provided by travel agents:

  • I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair
    wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
  • A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going
    over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
  • I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started
    to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when
    she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but
    Cape Town is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like
    the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape cod is in Massachusetts,
    Cape Town is in Africa." Her response ... click.
  • A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what
    was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an
    ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since
    Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me.
    I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
  • I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England
    from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the
    map."
  • Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When
    I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in
    Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I
    heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the
    gates to save time."
  • A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible
    that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at
    8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of
    Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones.
    Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
  • A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical
    description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" I
    said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in
    with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm
    overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a
    minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back
    and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline
    was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
  • I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which
    plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he
    replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn
    planes have numbers on them."
  • "A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of
    those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a
    commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
  • A businessman called and had a question about the documents he
    needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about
    passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been
    to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double-
    checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him
    this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time
    they have accepted my American Express."
  • A woman called to make reservations "I want to go from Chicago to
    Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally,
    the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what
    flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the
    agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport
    code in the country and I can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The
    customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is.
    Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and
    finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew
    it was a big animal!"
0
 
 
Syndicate content