A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

|"When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.""You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old."

|Ten Signs The Police Chief Hates You10. He sends you on drug raids....alone.9. He refers to you as "Our Little Mascot."8.

|Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?New Recruit: Call for backup!

|A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar.A $40 speeding ticket was included.Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40.The police responded with

|The phone rings at FBI headquarters."Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford.

|In prison, you get three square meals a day. At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it. In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle.

|The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME.

|A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?""No, I am an undercover detective.""So why are you in uniform?""Today is my day off."

|After shopping in a mall, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report.

|There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police.

|This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over."You got any I.D.?" the patrolman asked.""'Bout what?" the hillbilly replied.

|Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia.

|A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out.The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find

|The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole.Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an

|A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench.

|Little Tommy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board.

|This is supposedly a true story, it happened in a small town of the province of Quebec, Canada, in October 1996.

|A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim."I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're suppo

|Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.

|A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force.

|My horoscope read, "You're going places and you can't be stopped."Apparently the cop who gave me a ticket hadn't read it.

|Polceman: "I'm afraid that I'm going to have to lock you up for the night."Man: "What's the charge?"Polceman: "Oh, there's no charge. It's all part of the service

|A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver's license, the driver argued, "Speeding???

|Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty.

|At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians.American : "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9

|A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many.Then, he discovered the problem; a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read, "SPEED

|A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds.

|Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer. "I juggle them in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the cop.

|Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing.