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JokeClicks

Redneck Jokes

You might be a redneck if...mama

Your mother does not remove the marlboro from her lips before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass.

You might be a redneck if... meat

You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre.

You might be a redneck if...car color

The primary color of your car is "Bond-Q."

You might be a redneck if... shirts

You own more then three shirts with the sleeves cut off.

You might be a redneck if...deer head

Your mounted deer head sports a baseball cap and sunglasses.

You might be a redneck if... girlfriend

You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

Redneck Wish

Two guys, of limited intelligence, were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean.

You might be a redneck if... bowling

You've ever been blacklisted from a bowling alley.

Redneck Personal Hygiene

Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item.

If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

You might be a redneck if... highschool

Your high school annual is now a mug shot book for the police department.

Redneck Dining Out - Remember to leave a...

Remember to leave a generous tip for good service. After all, their mobile home costs just as much as yours.

You might be a redneck if... reunion

The highlight of your family reunion was your sister's nude dancing debut.

Redneck Entertaining in Your Home

A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

Do not allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no matter how good his manners are.

You might be a redneck if... christman

You've ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.

Redneck Dating (Outside the Family) - Always...

Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

Star spangled banner

you might be a red neck if you think the last words to the star spangled banner is "gentlemen start your engines"

You might be a redneck if... possum

There is a stuffed 'possum mounted anywhere in your home.

Redneck Wedding Etiquette

Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.

It's not OK for the groom to bring a date to the wedding.

When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.

Redneck's last words

What are the last words that a redneck usually says before he dies?"Hey ya'll. Watch this!"

You might be a redneck if...beer

You consider a six pack of beer and a bug-zapper quality entertainment.

Redneck Etiquette for All Occasions

Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press charges.

Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

Redneck house

You might be a redneck if your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign still on it.

You might be a redneck if...goal

Your lifetime goal is to own your own fireworks stand.

Still in the family

You might be a redneck if you've been married three timesand still have the same in-laws.

You might be a redneck if...jeans

You prefer to walk the excess length off your jeans rather then hem them.

Redneck centerpeice

You might be a redneck if the centerpiece on your dining room table is an original signed work by a famous taxidermist.

You might be a redneck if...car race

You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.

House explosion

You might be a redneck if you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

You might be a redneck if...ID

Someone asks to see your I.D. and you show them your belt buckle.

Star bangled banner

You might be a redneck if you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

Joke of the Day

The following are acual stories provided by...

The following are acual stories provided by travel agents:

  • I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair
    wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
  • A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going
    over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
  • I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started
    to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when
    she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but
    Cape Town is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like
    the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape cod is in Massachusetts,
    Cape Town is in Africa." Her response ... click.
  • A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what
    was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an
    ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since
    Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me.
    I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
  • I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England
    from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the
    map."
  • Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When
    I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in
    Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I
    heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the
    gates to save time."
  • A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible
    that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at
    8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of
    Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones.
    Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
  • A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical
    description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" I
    said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in
    with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm
    overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a
    minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back
    and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline
    was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
  • I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which
    plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he
    replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn
    planes have numbers on them."
  • "A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of
    those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a
    commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
  • A businessman called and had a question about the documents he
    needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about
    passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been
    to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double-
    checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him
    this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time
    they have accepted my American Express."
  • A woman called to make reservations "I want to go from Chicago to
    Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally,
    the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what
    flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the
    agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport
    code in the country and I can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The
    customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is.
    Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and
    finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew
    it was a big animal!"
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