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JokeClicks

Redneck Jokes

Star spangled banner

you might be a red neck if you think the last words to the star spangled banner is "gentlemen start your engines"

You might be a redneck if... possum

There is a stuffed 'possum mounted anywhere in your home.

Redneck Dating (Outside the Family) - Always...

Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

Redneck's last words

What are the last words that a redneck usually says before he dies?"Hey ya'll. Watch this!"

You might be a redneck if...beer

You consider a six pack of beer and a bug-zapper quality entertainment.

Redneck Wedding Etiquette

Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.

It's not OK for the groom to bring a date to the wedding.

When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.

Redneck house

You might be a redneck if your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign still on it.

You might be a redneck if...goal

Your lifetime goal is to own your own fireworks stand.

Redneck Etiquette for All Occasions

Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press charges.

Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

Still in the family

You might be a redneck if you've been married three timesand still have the same in-laws.

You might be a redneck if...jeans

You prefer to walk the excess length off your jeans rather then hem them.

Redneck centerpeice

You might be a redneck if the centerpiece on your dining room table is an original signed work by a famous taxidermist.

You might be a redneck if...car race

You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.

House explosion

You might be a redneck if you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

You might be a redneck if...ID

Someone asks to see your I.D. and you show them your belt buckle.

Star bangled banner

You might be a redneck if you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You might be a redneck if...prom

Your junior-senior prom had a day-care center.

You might be a redneck if... rich relative

Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.

You might be a redneck if...cars

Less than half the cars you own run.

You might be a redneck if... in bed

You've ever used lard in bed.

You might be a redneck if...sideburns

You grow your sideburns longer and fuller because it looks so good on your sister.

You might be a redneck if... meat

You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre.

You might be a redneck if...mama

Your mother does not remove the marlboro from her lips before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass.

You might be a redneck if... shirts

You own more then three shirts with the sleeves cut off.

You might be a redneck if...car color

The primary color of your car is "Bond-Q."

You might be a redneck if... girlfriend

You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

You might be a redneck if...deer head

Your mounted deer head sports a baseball cap and sunglasses.

You might be a redneck if... bowling

You've ever been blacklisted from a bowling alley.

Redneck Wish

Two guys, of limited intelligence, were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean.

You might be a redneck if... highschool

Your high school annual is now a mug shot book for the police department.

Joke of the Day

Love Jesus

Love Jesus by Dennis DiPasquale The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must REALLY love the lord because pretty soon, he leaned out his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!!" as loud as he could. It was like a football game with him shouting, "GO JESUS CHRIST,GO!!!" Everyone else started honking, too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all of those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my two kids what that meant. They kind of squirmed, looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign. So, I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. Several cars behind, a very nice black man stepped out of his car and yelled something. I couldn't hear him very well, but it sounded like, "Mother trucker," or "Mother's from there." Maybe he was from Florida, too. He must really love the lord. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed that the light had changed, and stepped on the gas. And a good thing I did, because I was the only driver to get across the intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned way out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign, as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks.

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