Pope Dies The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.

Easter is approaching. Father O'Maley checks estimates for the flowerdecoration of the altar.The catholic florist - $ 300.

Two nuns are riding a bike down a road and the firstnun says, "I`ve never come this way before!" and thesecond nun says, "Oh, it must be the cobblestone!"

Two nuns turn up at the fruit market and ask the veggie man for 120 cucumbers.

"...And the halftime score here at the Colleusium is Lions 7,Christians Nothing. We'll be right back after these messages..."

The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals.

Paul says to Jesus, "Hey man, whatcha doing for Passover?"Jesus says, "Just hanging around."

A crowd had gathered around a whore and they were about to stone her.Jesus stepped in front of her and said: "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone."From the back of the crowd came this ston

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem--my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing.

And Jesus said unto his disciples, "Whom do men say that I am?"And His disciples answered unto Him, "Master, thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, t

The Hat An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the vestibule.

A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession: "Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh.

What did the priest say to the nun when he screwed her?"The holy pole is in your hole so wet your ass and save your soul."

What language do the Vatican Police speak?Pig Latin!

There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane wasbeing rocked by some severe turbulence.

What is white and flies across the sky? The coming of the Lord.

Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery.

A young priest, who is still unsure of the penance to dole out duringconfession, asks an older priest what he should give a cocksucker."Oh," says the older priest, "give the altar boy a dollar or so,

A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago wasstranded late one night at a fashionable resort - one that didnot admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, noroom.

What's the difference between a nun and a woman taking a shower?The nun has hope in her soul.

"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously eyeing her bulging stomach.

What is the biggest problem for an atheist?No one to talk to during orgasm.

An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train.After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that, in yourreligion, you're not supposed to eat pork..

A minister was asked by a politician,"Name something the government can do to help the church."The minister replied, "Quit making one dollar bills."

A married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest,"I had an affair with a woman...

Do you know what happens if you don't pay your exorcist?You get repossessed!

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, aretraveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing inTransylvania.

What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest?A rabbi cuts it off, and a priest sucks it off.

Guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first punishment.

Two nuns were driving alone out in the boonies. They ran out of gas. Fortunately they could walk to a gas station not far away, where they asked to purchase a can of gasoline.