|Two statisticians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York.

Speaking of spelling, here's a news bulletin ........

An academic problemIn a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall.

|Theorem: 4 = 5Proof:-20 = -2016 - 36 = 25 - 454^2 - 9*4 = 5^2 - 9*54^2 - 9*4 + 81/4 = 5^2 - 9*5 + 81/4(4 - 9/2)^2 = (5 - 9/2)^24 - 9/2 = 5 - 9/24 = 5

|A mathematician and a non-mathematician are sitting in an airport hall waiting for their flight to go.

scientists Decode the First Message From an AlienCivilization...Simply send 6 x 10 to the 50 atoms of Hydrogen to theStar System at the top of the list, cross off that starsystem, then put your Star S

What do a meteorologist in a snowstormand a woman's sex life have in common?They're both concerned with how manyinches and how long it will last.

|Theorem: All numbers are equal.Proof: Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b.

|1. They speak only the Greek language.2. They usually have long threatening names such as Bonferonni, Tchebycheff, Schatzoff, Hotelling, and Godambe.

New scientific theories4th RunnerUp-- The earth may spin faster on its axis due todeforestation.

If you cloned Henry IV, would he be Henry V, or Henry IV Part II?

|Theorem: 1 = -1Proof:1 = sqrt(1) = sqrt(-1 * -1) = sqrt(-1) * sqrt(-1) = 1^ = -1Also one can disprove the axiom that things equal to the same thing are equal to each other.1 = sqrt(1)-1 = sqrt(1)Ther

|A new government 10 year survey cost $3,000,000,000 revealed that 3/4 of the people in America make up 75% of the population.According to recent surveys, 51% of the people are in the majority.Did you

New scientific theories3rd RunnerUp- Communist China is technologically underdevelopedbecause they have no alphabet.

DOUBLE VODKA A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodka." The barman says "Wow!

|Theorem: log(-1) = 0Proof:a. log[(-1)^2] = 2 * log(-1)On the other hand:b. log[(-1)^2] = log(1) = 0Combining a) and b) gives:2* log(-1) = 0Divide both sides by 2:log(-1) = 0

|There was this statistics student who, when driving his car, would always accelerate hard before coming to any junction, whizz straight over it , then slow down again once he'd got over it.

Dihydrogen Monoxide: The Invisible Killer Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide!Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncountedthousands of people every year.

New scientific theories2nd RunnerUp- The 'Why Yawning Is Contagious' Theory: You yawnto equalize the pressure on your eardrums.

A guy walks into a bar ...

|Theorem: e=1Proof:2*e = f2^(2*pi*i)e^(2*pi*i) = f^(2*pi*i)e^(2*pi*i) = 1Therefore:2^(2*pi*i) = f^(2*pi*i)2=fThus:e=1

|A shoeseller meets a mathematician and complains that he does not know what size shoes to buy.

Safest Way to Drive Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American drivinghabits, offers the following advice:The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly

New scientific thoeries1st RunnerUp- If an infinite number of rednecks riding in aninfinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number ofshotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, th

Two fags are on a picnic,and the first guy says,"I have to take adumpski,"and he walks into the woods to do it.

|Theorem: 1 = 1/2:Proof:We can re-write the infinite series 1/(1*3) + 1/(3*5) + 1/(5*7) + 1/(7*9)+...as 1/2((1/1 - 1/3) + (1/3 - 1/5) + (1/5 - 1/7) + (1/7 - 1/9) + ...

|It is often cited that there are half as many divorces as marriages in the US, so one concludes that average marriages have a 50% chance of ending by divorce.

Review: The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss, 61 pages.

New scientific theoriesHONORABLE MENTION: The quantity of consonants in the Englishlanguage is absolutely constant. If consonants are omitted in onegeographic area, they turn up in another.

A traveling salesman's car breaks down, and he walks overto a near by farm. He knocks on the door and the farmerappears.