John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant.

|What do gay guys call hemroids?
Speedbumps

A man and his wife are weeding the garden one day when his wife bends over to pick some more weeds.

A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. "Young lady," the doctor began, "you're pregnant.""But that can't be.

There was a young man in the Air Force who was so well- endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three Air Force doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation.

An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18. When they got into bed the night after the wedding, he held up three fingers.

On a very cold night, a young man dropped into the localbrothel and the madam said, "You'll have to wait.""But there's lots of girls that aren't busy right now.""Yes, but several of the rooms are clos

A guy starts talking to two women in a bar, they turnout to be Siamese twins, and they wind up back at hisapartment. He makes love to one, and then starts to work on theother.

A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant.

Down in Florida, two widows were talking and one asked the other, "Do you ever get to feeling horny?""Yes,"her friend replied.

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty.

After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took$300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table."Thanks," she said.

A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's terms. When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair. The man shouted, "What, no wool?

Three altar boys are standing in the snow with their pants down around their ankles. They have their penis' in a snow bank.Sister Margaret sticks her head out the window and says, "Boys!

Jake is 85, and he gets married to a 16-year-old.

The young lady admired the watch in the store window every time she walked by it. She finally entered the shop one day and said, "Just how much is that watch?""It's $2000, ma'am.""Hmmm.

Did you know that the night Santa first met his futurewife he uttered the now famous words: "Yes, that is a candy cane in my pocket, and I am glad to meet you."

One day there were 10 would-be Catholic priests, going through the tests that would make them ministers.

A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to an extremely gorgeous woman. The first thing he notices about her though, are her pants.

What do you do when you're finished fucking a ten year old girl?A: Turn her over and pretend she's a ten year old boy!

Why do bankers make great lovers? They know the penalty for early withdrawal.

Look in the mirror!!!!!!!1

A man was called to witness that a couple had been making love in apark.The witness: They were fucking your honorThe judge: Could the witness put it in a more Sheakspearian way:The witness: The park w

What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?A man will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.

Confucious say: "Man who goes to sleep with sex on mind wakes up with solution in hand."

What do you call someone who fucks kids in the ass?A backdoor pedofile!

A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.""Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle

AMNESIA:Condition that enables a woman who has gone throughlabor to have sex again.

What's the difference between mono and herpes?You get mono from from snatching a kiss....

Don was looking for a little "action." He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac.