John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant.

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Speedbumps

A man and his wife are weeding the garden one day when his wife bends over to pick some more weeds.

What two things in the air will get a women pregnant? Her legs.

Confucious say: "Man who goes to sleep with sex on mind wakes up with solution in hand."

Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick areperched near the front door of the girls' dorm.

Q: Why was Raggedy Ann thrown out of the toy store?A: She was caught sitting on Pinocchio's face and shouting "Lie lie lie!"

Schick is walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic City, runs into a hooker,and he says, "How much?"She says, "Twenty bucks."He says, "All right."They climb down under the boardwalk, and he bangs her.

Jon was looking for a little "action". He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room.

What do you call someone who fucks kids in the ass?A backdoor pedofile!

There were two people having sex in a car. They finished upand the guy thew the comdom out the window. His girlfriend gotmad at him she wanted to go again.

I read last week how there are more than one million battered women in the United States each year. All these years I've been eating them raw.

A Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls abeat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist howmuch it would cost to repair the condom.

The doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to him for an examination."Mrs.

A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.""Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle

"I'm finished with Judi!" Jon exclaimed to his friend. "She brokedown and told me she was bisexual. Who the hell wants to screw just twice a year???"

What do you do in case of fallout?Put it back in and take shorter strokes!

There were two nuns...One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.SM: Have you

Q: What's the difference between white onions, brown onions and a 14 inch dick?A: Nothing. They all make woman's eyes water.

AMNESIA:Condition that enables a woman who has gone throughlabor to have sex again.

What's the difference between mayonaise and sperm?Mayonaise doesn't hit the back of a girls throat at 40 mph.

A man and his wife were supposed to go to a costume party together one Halloween, but when the time came to go the party, the woman told him to go on without her, because she said she had a terrible h

Q: Why is having a wank like eating McDonald's?A: Because it's always exactly the same and afterwards you?.swear you'll never do it again.

The aged patient doddered into the doctor's office with a serious complaint."Doc, you've got to do something to lower my sex drive.""Come on now Mr Peters," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in yo

What's the difference between mono and herpes?You get mono from from snatching a kiss....

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?Just when it's getting interesting they are finished until next time...

A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless."Mummy, mummy, what are these?" he says, pointing to her breasts."Well, son," she says, "these are balloons, and when you die,they infla

Q: What's the definition of virginity?A: A big issue over a little tissue.

Q: What is worse than a dead dog on your piano?A: An infected pussy on your organ.

What is a yankee? A quickie, but you do it yourself.