A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmartand asks where the pharmacy counter is.

Cop coming upon a young couple making out....Cop: What the hell are you two doing?Boy: See honey, I told ya cops were stupid.

A new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat.They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from theRussians before the new government kicked them out.

Two men went to the desert for a vacation. They rented a camel and headed out. Five days later they came back but without the camel.

A nosey neighbour remonstrated with the woman in the adjoining apartment."Mrs Smith, do you think it is right that a seventeen year old boy spendsthree hours every night in your apartment?"Mrs Smith r

A man walks into a jewellers shop, unzips his trousers and placeshis tool upon the counter.

During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europefor three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down the trailall day. When they had stopped to take a rest Tontoplaced his ear to the ground and listened. "Buffalo come," remarked Tonto.

Embarrassing moments The following are the top three winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments Contest in New Woman Magazine.

An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly hadto fart.

A woman selling apples in New York is puzzled by a man who alwayscomes by, pays a quarter, but never picks up an apple.

A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the emergency operator asked.

A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspectit.

A guy leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss.

Barbie and G.I. Joe A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap.

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

Weill and Mahoney had started with only five hundred dollars between them, but they had built up a computer business with sales in the millions.

Two nuns go to a restaurant to have dinner.

A divorced woman had been on her own for several months and wasstarting to get extremely horny. She went to the grocery store and while there starting eyeing the bag boy.

Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he hasto take a shit real bad.The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts downto use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls areoccupied, so he

A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to "enforce the laws pending." He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, "Looks like you've had a pretty good da

A guy walks into a drugstore operated by a prudish woman. He asks, "Can I have a dozen condoms, Miss?" "Don't Miss me, mister." "Well then, you better make it 13."

Little Johnny's dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on acondom about to give his wife some.

Ventriliquist cowboy walks into town and sees Indian sitting on his porch.Cowboy: Hey, cool dog.

A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a longflight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks ifhe would like to play a fun game.

A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see afortune-teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, hewent inside and sat down.

A college professor's going to bed with his wife. He's not that tired, so he's gonna stay awake and read while she goes to sleep.

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down.The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to theblind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind, and can't read themenu.

Ralph and Charlie where playing the ninth hole at the local country club when Ralph hit his tee shot way to the right.

A woman gives birth to twins, a girl and a boy.Her husband isn't there, and she doesn't wantto name them without him seeing them first.