Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami.They were discussing the fact that if they gofor a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes,but if they take the cigarettes with them, theywill get soak

Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor thathe's worried about getting real seasick.

The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people wereforced to stand.

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking.

Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on,indicating to the flight attendants that breakfast could be served.One of the passengers, upset because he was awakened, growled, "Whotur

Radar: "Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."Pilot: "Roger, but we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here?"Radar: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes whe

The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet.

From a Southwest Airlines employee...."Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight.

66.A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman.

One day Pablo and Paco are riding through the desert on their horses. As they ride along, Pablo smells something horrible. He stops his horse and turns around.

They now have an Italian airline that flies out of Genoa.It's called Genitalia.Sent by maria

If you are considering doing some camping this summer, please note the following public serviceannouncement: In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bearcoun

A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered.

Once a couple were on vacation. The husband was lying on the beach facing downwards on his stomach & the wife was patting him on his butt.

Q. What do you call the temperature between two west virginians?A. Relative Humidity

Magician and Parrot A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.

This is a telephonic exchange between a hotel guest androomservice at a hotel in Asia. It was recorded andpublished in the Far East Economic Review: Room Service: "Morny.

An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table.

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time.

Fly the Friendly Skies in your Cessna And who says our controllers don't have a sense of humor? ------------------------------------------------ November 22, 1996 - Any More Complaints?

This woman is visiting in Israel and notices that her little travel alarm needs a battery.

The United Airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks.

A Lady was on a business trip. Since she was so tense from all the meetings, she decided she would go to the roof of the hotel she was staying in and sunbathe to help her relax.

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is terrible. It's too hot.

Q: How do you pick up TWA flight attendants?A: With a fishing pole!

This is a passenger announcement. The train on platform one, two, three,four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven and twelve has come insideways.

What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean?Nothing, it just waved.

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure...

Q: Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London?A: They were REALLY pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.

AUDIAccelerates Under Demonic InfluenceAlways Unsafe Designs ImplementedAll Un-informed Drivers InsultedAll Unnecessary Devices Installed BMWBig Money WorksBought My WifeBrutal Money Waster BUICKBig U