Q. What do you call the temperature between two west virginians?A. Relative Humidity

Magician and Parrot A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.

A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered.

Once a couple were on vacation. The husband was lying on the beach facing downwards on his stomach & the wife was patting him on his butt.

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time.

Fly the Friendly Skies in your Cessna And who says our controllers don't have a sense of humor? ------------------------------------------------ November 22, 1996 - Any More Complaints?

This is a telephonic exchange between a hotel guest androomservice at a hotel in Asia. It was recorded andpublished in the Far East Economic Review: Room Service: "Morny.

An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table.

A Lady was on a business trip. Since she was so tense from all the meetings, she decided she would go to the roof of the hotel she was staying in and sunbathe to help her relax.

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is terrible. It's too hot.

This woman is visiting in Israel and notices that her little travel alarm needs a battery.

The United Airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks.

What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean?Nothing, it just waved.

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure...

Q: How do you pick up TWA flight attendants?A: With a fishing pole!

This is a passenger announcement. The train on platform one, two, three,four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven and twelve has come insideways.

AUDIAccelerates Under Demonic InfluenceAlways Unsafe Designs ImplementedAll Un-informed Drivers InsultedAll Unnecessary Devices Installed BMWBig Money WorksBought My WifeBrutal Money Waster BUICKBig U

The Hotel Odeon in Paris is offering tourists a 'Diana Tour' - a personal reenactment of Princess Diana's last night alive. For $50 extra you can enjoy the "Land Mind Obstacle Course".

Q: Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London?A: They were REALLY pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot.

Father O'Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for solong, that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been marriedand he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life.

A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travelbag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed tostuff it in the overhead bin.

Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas.

Pilot to tower . . . pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land . . .600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . .please instruct! Tower to pilot . . . tower to pilot . .

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport.

Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country.

This lady who was living in New York City had to get back toher old country but she was broke.One day she wandered down to the docks and spotted a workergetting ready to load supplies onto a boat.

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer.

1.The "complimentary" paper tells you that President Kennedy has died.2.The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it.

Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs. That evening one hunter, Sam, returned to camp alone toting a 12 point buck.