Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't I need you to whip it out by 5:00! Mind if I use your laptop? Put this in my box before you leave. I want it on my desk now! Hmm..

|Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin.

Does anyone know what would happen if the earth rotated 30 times faster thanit does today ??We would get our paycheck everyday, and all women would bleed to death...

|A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression.

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products.At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottlenipples. The machine makes a loud "hiss-pop" noise.

|Did you hear about the banker who was recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter's college education?As the policeman, who also had a daughter in college, was leading him away

The Perverse Guide To Getting HiredChapter 1 - The Resume Your resume is a crucial document that summarises theessence of your being to a potential employer.

Messy desk. Top management can get away with a cleandesk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not workinghard enough. Build huge piles of documents around yourworkspace.

Job Applicant: "I'm looking for a job as a consultant."Employer: "I'm sorry, we already have enough cosultants."Applicant: "That's ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor."Employer: "More tha

Two executives working in the garment center are having lunch together.

|A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid.

|For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M.

|A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?"The businessman replies, "That's the accou

|Ten things to do with a graduate Economics textbook1. Press pretty flowers. 2. Press pretty insects. 3. Use it as paper weight on your already overcluttered desk. 4.

After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, "What the hell happened?" "As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your

|When I take a long time, I am slow.When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.When I don't do it, I am lazy.When my boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.When I do it without being told, I'm trying t

When the staff goes out after work, they talk about football or basketball.When Middle management gets together, they talk about tennis or baseball.Top management discusses golf.Conclusion: The higher

|How to Make a Telemarketer Go Away1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where atrain stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

|An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel.

BOSSES & TECHNOLOGYBoss: "My laptop computer is locked up.

Voice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voicemail. People don't call you just because they want to giveyou something for nothing - they call because they want YOUto do work for THEM.

Understanding Your PaycheckGROSS PAY: $1222.02INCOME TAX OUTGO TAX STATE TAX INTERSTATE TAX COUNTY TAX 244.40 45.21 61.10 5.89 6.11CITY TAX

Now I understand what marketing is:You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You approach her and tell her: "I am very good in bed".

|"You Know It's Your Last Day At Work When......"You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, "What's this?", you realize you just dropped the company's deposit in a mailbox.A woman comes in

|TWELVE THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR AN EMPLOYEE TELL HIS/HER BOSS1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is always refreshing.

|Top reasons to study Economics1. Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands." 2. Economists can supply it on demand. 3.

|A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first.

Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one morning, she noticed that his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said, "Mr.

|1. I'm really keen to work for you, I hear the drugs are good.2. I regret that I have no references. Unfortunately, every company I have worked for has since closed down.3.