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JokeClicks

Centipede jokes

|Why was the centipede late?Because he was playing "This little Piggy" with his baby brother!What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?A walkie talkie!What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?A centipede with chilblains!What has 50 legs but cant walk?Half a centipede!What do you call a guard with 100 legs?A sentrypede!What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken?Enough drumsticks to feed an army!What did one centipede say to the other centipede?You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs ....!Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team?He took too long to put his boots on!What is worse than an alligator with toothache?A centipede with athlete's foot!What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk?A centipede with a wooden leg!

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Joke of the Day

Bad news

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send youoff to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this.It has to be saved for posterity." With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man'sschlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwatrz is dead!"

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