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JokeClicks

Chinese Subtitles

Chinese SubtitlesFrom a list of English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong, Compiledby Stefan Hammond and Mike Wilkins for their book *Sex & Zen & a Bullet inthe Head*, to be published in August by Fireside. Cited in Harper's, June1996.I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.Gun wounds again?Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!You daring lousy guy.Beat him out of recognizable shape!I have been scared shitless too much lately.I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.How can you use my intestines as a gift?The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

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Joke of the Day

Love Jesus

Love Jesus by Dennis DiPasquale The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must REALLY love the lord because pretty soon, he leaned out his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!!" as loud as he could. It was like a football game with him shouting, "GO JESUS CHRIST,GO!!!" Everyone else started honking, too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all of those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my two kids what that meant. They kind of squirmed, looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign. So, I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. Several cars behind, a very nice black man stepped out of his car and yelled something. I couldn't hear him very well, but it sounded like, "Mother trucker," or "Mother's from there." Maybe he was from Florida, too. He must really love the lord. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed that the light had changed, and stepped on the gas. And a good thing I did, because I was the only driver to get across the intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned way out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign, as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks.

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