|Q: What do elves learn in school?A: The Elf-abet!Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?A: "I don't like sprouts" !Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? A: Missletoe! Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite. Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed? A: Because he had low elf esteem. Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens? A: So he can ho-ho-ho. Q: Where do polar bears vote?A: The North Poll. Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? A: Ribbon hood. Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?A: Because it's to far to walk.Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?A: Forty feet of track - all straight! Q: What kind of bird can write?A: A PENguin.Q: How does Al Gore's household keep Christmas politically correct?A: On Christmas morning, they give the presents TO the tree.Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? A: Sandy Claus!Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? A: Fleece Navidad!Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?A: North Polish.Q: Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?A: Because it has long-distance runners on each side.Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?A: Crisp Cringle.Q: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?A: We'll have a boo Christmas without you. Q: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?A: Okay everyone, sack time!!Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A: Snowflakes. Q: If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called? A: A subordinate claus.Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?A: He wanted to sleep like a log.Q: Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E? A: Because the angel had said, "No L!"Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh? A: Santa caught in a revolving door! Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?A: Because it " soots " him!Q: What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney? A: Pour Santa flush on him. Q: Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel? A: Its true . . . Comet cleans sinks!Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic.Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?A: Because every buck is dear to him.Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive" ?A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"Q: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet of handkerchiefs for Christmas?Q: Olive ?A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.Q: Olive?A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"Q: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?A: It was wound up already.Q: What's a good holiday tip?A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.