|Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!Q: What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks?A: Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms!Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?A: Seven. [Indignant nose upturning] Of course, I wouldn't expect you to understand.Q: Why are conductors' hearts popular for transplants?A: They've had little use.