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JokeClicks

Elderly Jokes

100th Birthday

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.

Questions and Answers from an AARP Forum

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore... under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

Brand New Corvette

A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Corvette convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

Getting married

Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in.

Uncovering a scam

|The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it.

Eating some peanuts

|There was an old man whose family could no longer afford to take care of him. So the family decided that a nusring for the aged would be appropriate.

A work of art

A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery.

OLD NEVER DIES 8

|OLD KIDS never die, they just grow upOLD KNIGHTS IN CHAIN MAIL never die, they just shuffle off their metal coilsOLD LASER PHYSICISTS never die, they just become incoherentOLD LAWYERS never die, they

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test...

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. Thedoctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?""274," was his reply.The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn.

Amicable old lady

"Dear Reyer School, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county home for the aged. All my people are gone.

Sweet, Sweet Road Rage

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a youngman in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space shewas waiting for.

Old maid's burglar

|A story I'll tell of a burglar boldWho started to rob a house;He opened the window, and then crept inAs quiet as a mouse.He looked around for a place to hide,'Till the folks were all asleep,Then said

Wedding Anniversary

|A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

Three old ladies are walking down the street...

Three old ladies are walking down the street. They are hard of hearing.One: Whew, it's windy today!Two: No. Today's Thursday!Three: So am I! Let's go to a bar!

OLD NEVER DIES 10

|OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they just change colorOLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they're just fooling themselvesOLD MAIDS count on fingers, but young girls count on legsOLD MATH TEACHERS n

A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse...

A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door.

Abe Lincoln

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phoney beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink.

Recently seen

|Recently seen on a card...Outside: We dont feel sorry for you blowing all those candles, what about us...Inside: ... We had to stay up all night lighting them!

Pondering old age

|How do I know that my youth is all spent?Well, my get up and go has got up and went.But in spite of it all I am able to grinwhen I recall where my get up has been.Old age is golden-so I've heard it s

How old are you?

|A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said.

A couple, age 67, went to the doctors office...

A couple, age 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What canI do for you?"The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

OLD NEVER DIES 9

|OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played outOLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to barOLD NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS never die, they just go off-lineOLD NUMERICAL ANALYSTS never die, they j

Don't Forget!

An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so theydecided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing waswrong with them.

An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home...

An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into thenurses' office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died.Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr.

Good & bad news

|An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"Patient: "Well, give me the bad news first."Doctor

An ode to old age

|There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,And life doesn't begin at 40.

An elderly woman entered a large furniture store...

An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman.

Horse or chicken?

|A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse.

Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front...

Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands inback. Herb says to Sam, "Gee, we went to a new restaurant last nightand had the best meal ever.

OLD NEVER DIES 13

|OLD POSTAL CARRIERS never die, they just lose their zipOLD PRINTERS never die, they're just not the typeOLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte itOLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just decompileOLD P

Joke of the Day

Subject: TOP TEN ECONOMIST VALENTINES 10. YOU...

Subject: TOP TEN ECONOMIST VALENTINES

10. YOU RAISE MY INTEREST RATE THIRTY BASIS POINTS WITHOUT A CORRESPONDING DROPOFF IN CONSUMER ENTHUSIASM
9. DESPITE A DECADE OF INFLATION, I STILL DIG YOUR SUPPLY CURVE
8. WHAT DO YOU SAY WE REMEASURE OUR CROSS-ELASTICITY
7. YOU BRING THE BUTTER, I'LL BRING THE GUN
6. LET'S RAISE HOUSING STARTS TOGETHER
5. FURTHER STIMULUS COULD RESULT IN UNCONTROLLED EXPANSION
4. TELL ME WHETHER MY EXPECTATIONS ARE RATIONAL
3. LET'S ASSUME A RITZY HOTEL ROOM AND A BOTTLE OF DOM
2. YOU STOKE THE ANIMAL SPIRITS OF MY MARKET
1. A LOAF OF BREAD, A JUG OF WINE, AND THOU BESIDE ME WATCHING RUKEYSER

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