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JokeClicks

Farm Jokes

Dem' smart city folk

|A man from the city is out plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground.A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller.

Visiting a rural farm

|Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road.

Very hostile farmer

|A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.The farmer said, "That's once."A little further along, the poor

Texan farmer travels

|A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh!

Wife isn't in the car

|On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone

Ploughing the land

|A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged.

Settling a cow case

|A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed.

Politicians accident

|Politicians accidentA bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.Seeing wh

I flattened your cat

|Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and*splat*... he flattened the cat.

Amazing talking cow

|A man's car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him.

How are you doing?

|A lone tourist who is passing through the suburbs on the way to town by car, unfortunately experiences mechanical problems with the automobile.

Eat the watermelons

|A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit

Celebrating an event

|An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary."Let's have a party, Ho

Try to grow chickens

|A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming.

Pig misunderstanding

|Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs.

Mother-in-law killed

|A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place.

Winning Nobel prize

|A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.

Horse pulls the car

|An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area.

Gathering chickens

|The farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open.

How are you feeling?

|Farmer Brown decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court.

Lacking all religion

|A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field.

Giving away a horse

|A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse.

Helping your father

|A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off."You look hot, my son," said the cleric.

Bug flew into a barn

|A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear.

Joke of the Day

Haircut before Trip

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.So, how are you getting there?""We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!""TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.So, where are you staying in Rome?""We'll be at the downtown International Marriott.""That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?""We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.""That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome."It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot.And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!""Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the pope.""Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me.""Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"He said, "Where'd you get the lousy haircut?

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