|An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.

For three years, the young attorney had been taking hisbrief vacations at this country inn.

|What are the three questions most commonly asked by lawyers?1. How much money do you have?2. Where can you get more?3. Do you have anything you can sell?

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor.

Why don't you ever see lawyers at the beach?The cats keep covering them up with sand!

What's the definition of lawyer? The larval form of a politician.

|The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold.

No lawyers allowed- Prosecutors will be violated! If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one ofthem, would you read the paper or go to lunch?

|At the United Way in a fairly small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn't made a contribution.

|A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge's orders, and their tempers grew hot.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?How many can you afford?

|A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question: "Have you ever been arrested?"He answered no to the question.The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructedthe cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats andget prepared for an emergency landing.A few minutes later, the pilot asked the

|One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?" The student replied, "Here's an orange." The

Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant.

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?Professional courtesy.

Middle of the night, middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the center of the road.They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, although neither is hurt.It's impos

|A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat.

The bartender asks him "What'll you have?". The guy answers, "A scotch, please".

|A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day.

|Why God Created LawyersSatan was complaining bitterly to God, "You made the world so that it was not fair, and you made it so that most people would have to struggle every day, fight against their in

What is the worst thing about our justice system? You're leaving your fate in the hands of 12 people whoweren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!

|After his graduation from college, the son of a Spanish lawyer was considering his future.

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.

|Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant.

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?The bucket.

Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear.

|A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection.

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription wo