A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch. When they reach their deer blinds, the guy says, "If you shoot a deer, be sure not to let somebody else say he's the one who shot it.

A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow$200 for six months. The loan officer asks him whatkind of collateral he has.

The middle aged secretary had never been married and had had enuff of work, as well as the single life. It was no secret that she was looking to get married.

An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly hadto fart.

A famous hypnotist was performing in a large auditorium full of students onenight. He began to speak in a soft and steady voice over the loud-speakersystem.

On a very cold winter night, three homeless men huddled up close to keep warm.

A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmartand asks where the pharmacy counter is.

Hoffman and Puscas are bombed, watching the St.

Son : Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.Mum : Well, you have done the right thing.Son : But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when apoliceman ran up to help.

There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer.Up walks a so called "lady of the night". Shesays, "For $300.00, I'll do anything you want."Our fine lad thinks for a moment then says:Ok.

Two girls are sitting in a movie-theater. "That man beside me is fumbling his crotch", one whispers to the other."Just ignore it", is the answer. "Easy for you to say. He's using my hand!".

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As hesat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow.

An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought helooked worried and asked him if anything was wrong.

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful youngwoman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tightleather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots andjacket.

The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the proper tools to do the odd jobs needed.

A guy walks into a drugstore operated by a prudish woman. He asks, "Can I have a dozen condoms, Miss?" "Don't Miss me, mister." "Well then, you better make it 13."

Santas DiversionSanta was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman wasawaiting his arrival.

On a cross-country bus trip, Mrs.

A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspectit.

A guy says to a salesgirl, "I want to buy some toilet paper."She says, "What color?"He says, "Just give me white. I'll color it myself."

A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head.

A rancher from Central Arizona died and went on to the Great Beyond. As heapproached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with nogreenery.

A guy was attending a masquerade Halloween Ball, and dancing with a girl who was wearing a map of Texas for a costume.

A decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to stay.

The Mortitian arrived at the Mortuary one morning and wasaproached by his assistant."Anything interesting happen over-night", asked the mortitian."Yes", replied the assistant, "The most gorgeous 18 ye

A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside the crotch of his jeans. He looks around, then sits next to the most attractive woman there.

A construction worker was whistling and verbally harassinga young girl as she walked by the construction site.She completely ignored him, and just kept on walking.Annoyed the worker yelled "Well you'r

What a rip-off.

The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique didn't batan eye when the customer purchased an artificial vagina."What are you going to use it for?" she asked.