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JokeClicks

Top Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System

|1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza. 4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!5. Ummmmmm....Sorry......(silence) 6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have to go back ....we ..we ....uhhhhhh ....forgot something..... 7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now.8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in the car).9. This is your Captain speaking....these stupid planes are a lot different than the ships I'm used to.. so you'll have to give me some leeway... 10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the in-flight movie.11. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and ... Oh noooooooo!!!!!.. 12. Don't worry! That one is always on E... 13. Get the parachutes ready... 14. Drinks are on me...15. I'll have what the Captain's having... 16. Hey capt'n take another hit man...

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Joke of the Day

Stupid Funny Quotes

"Things are more like they are now than they have ever been." --President Gerald Ford "My fellow astronauts..."--Vice-President Dan Quayle, beginning a speech at an Apollo 11 anniversary celebration. "Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life."--Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah, explaining his support of the death penalty. "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."--Charles de Gaulle, ex-French President "I stand by all the misstatements."--Dan Quayle, defending himself against criticism for making verbal gaffes "Gerald Ford was a Communist"--Ronald Reagan in a speech. He later indicated he meant to say 'Congressman'. "Outside of the killings, Washington D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington D.C. "We found the term 'killing' too broad."--State Department spokesperson on why the word 'killing' was replaced with 'unlawful or arbitrary deprivation of life' in its human rights reports for 1984-5 "This is a great day for France!"--President Richard Nixon while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral "This is the worst disaster in California since I was elected."--California Governor Pat Brown, discussing a local flood "It's not listed in the Bible, but my spiritual gift, my specific calling from God, is to be a television talkshow host."--James Baker, televangelist. "The chairs in the cabin are for the ladies. Gentlemen are not to make use of them till the ladies are seated."--Instructions posted in a river cruise ship, Suir River, Ireland. "The exports include thumbscrews and cattle prods, just routine items for the police."--U.S. Commerce Department spokesman on a regulation allowing the export of various products abroad. "What he does on his own time is up to him."--Harlon Copeland, Sheriff of Bexar County, Texas, when one of his deputies was caught exposing himself to a child. "Facts are stupid things."--Ronald Reagan, misquoting John Adams in a speech to the Republican convention.

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